Thursday, May 19, 2005


Usenet Kook Of The Week: Special Star Wars Edition

Yes, in honor of Revenge Of The Sith making us George's bitches one last time, I'm dedicating this edition of Usenet Kook Of The Week to a set of posts in And so, without further ado, this week's Usenet Kook Of The Week is...

Me, apparently.

Let me 'splain. A few days ago, the following was posted:

"I watched Episodes IV-VI yesterday and then Episode II and the Episode
III trailer today. I don't think Luke is Anakin's son. Anakin and Luke
don't even look related."

Sadly, this is not the first time some twat has come in with such a ridiculous bit of trollery. At least once a month, it's either that or, "Ewan (or Euan, or Owan, or any other misspelling you can think of) MacGregor doesn't look like Alec Guinness, I don't think Old Ben is the same person as Obi-Wan." Most of the time these zeebs can be safely plonked, but this one...I dunno, I think with the buildup to ROTS, there are even more of them than usual. Something inside me snapped, and I replied with the following:

"Yeah, and why didn't Darth Vader recognize CP30 even though he built him?
And how did Ham make the kesel run in 12 parsecs when a parsec is a unit of
mass? And we don't know that the empire is really evil, since all they did
was blow up a planet, and anyway, the whole movie is stupid because darf
vader isn't supposed to cross his arms like he does in the episode 3

In other words, repeating every idiotic "complaint" I could think of, complete with common misspellings. Yes, people do say "darf" and one post did refer to a parsec as a unit of mass. Still, just to make sure people got it, I included, at the end:

{/all-purpose SW troll.}

Get it? I'm MAKING FUN of trolls, y'see?

Never count on people to get it.

I actually forgot about this message after I posted it. It wasn't until a day later, when I checked my "sent" box, that I was reminded of the message, and decided to go check on the kudos and congratulations I knew would be coming my way.

First was this one:

"Yeah......all-purpose troll is right. Why don't you go back to your
pack-n-play and tell you mom to swaddle you back up so you can take
your nap......"

(note extra-long ellipses. Or "dot-dot-dots" for the less intellectually advanced.)

Okay, so one guy doesn't get it. I read on.

"Parsec is distance, 3.12 lightyears IIRC.

When it comes to C-3PO, the look in EP II was different from how he
looked in EP IV-VI, he looked less gold colored and more silver/steel
colored. So he may not have thought of it. "

Okay, still doesn't get it, but at least he wasn't abusive. Maybe this'll turn out okay.

"Hey retard........a parsec is a measurement of DISTANCE not
mass........approx equal to 3 light years......."

OUCH! That hurt!

(And again with the extra-long ellipses. Seriously, why do people keep going crazy with the "period" key?)

Now, to be fair, a bunch of other users got the joke, and several leapt to my defense. But just like the Onion, I've learned my lesson: never assume that people on the net will use their brains.

Copyright 2004 Rich Bowen

Oddly, while watching the show last night I was sitting there thinking, "Why doesn't Ben recognize the two droids..." (I use elipsis a lot, but I use the three dot standard.) ;)

Anyway... My thought is that There are SO few model numbers... Between R2-D2 and C-3PO, heck, even IG-88 and R5-D4, that there are few options (36^4 < 1.7 Million) for names... And also, that very likely all of the Protocol Droids around Threepeeo's age would have his voice, mind you, we don't see that, but it'd proabaly happen.

That leaves us with two options.

The first is that he didn't realize R2 and 3PO were the same droids that he knew back in the day. Think about if someone brought you a lawnmower that you owned 20 years ago.

This breaks down in that he should have made the connection. He knew that Bail took Liea and he'd know that she was Luke's sister. He should have realized that they were those droids.

Which leads us to option #2.

He lied.

Oh my goodness. Not Obi-Wan! He'd never lie.

Where this breaks down. Well, he might have wanted to tell Luke that the droids were owned by his father. Sure, C-3PO had a memory wipe, but who knows if R2 had. If Luke knew the truth he'd have had 3PO quiz R2 about his father and he would have learned the truth.

Really, of course, this is all rationalization for Lucas not thinking ahead-er...-behind?

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