Tuesday, March 07, 2006

You ever wonder why so many blues songs start with "I woke up this morning?" I can tell you from experience, it's because when you're in a funk, you know, right from the moment you wake up. I knew it today, as soon as my sleep was interrupted by Adam Carolla's greasy voice spewing from the alarm clock, because I keep forgetting that KNDD runs his show in the mornings, a fact that didn't help my mood one jot.

The fact is, I wake up in a bad mood most days, simply due to the fact that I never feel rested, no matter how long I've slept. Most of the time I can just ignore it, and by the time I finish my shower I'm at least back to neutral.

Days like today, though, I know my psyche is actively plotting against me. I step into the shower, and out of nowhere my subconscious, apropos of nothing, dredges up an incident from, say, three years ago, that pissed me off at the time and was never really resolved. I find myself getting sucked in to my id's little mindgame, replaying the incident until I'm practically screaming arguments at imaginary antagonists in the empty apartment: "Oh yeah, I'M the one being IGNORANT! God forbid you should use your BRAIN, you racist FUCK!" I'm on the verge of calling my sister in Alabama so I can scream at her redneck husband about this three-year-old incident that he probably doesn't even remember, before my rational mind finally gets a toehold and I start taking deep breaths.

This happens even when there's little or nothing to be angry about. No reason to be upset; hell, the day hasn't had a chance to be a good or bad one yet. Just my diseased brain, striking an anger match and throwing fuel on it, just to fuck with me.

This used to happen a lot more often. Especially when I was on prozac, I'd be okay for weeks, then I'd suddenly crash and wake up paralyzed by unwarranted, unfocused anger, which I'd end up taking out on poor unsuspecting Chris (sorry, chief). At least back then, when I worked at the frame hole, there was ample justification for anger, a fact of which my psyche would take full advantage, continually dredging up incidents ranging from that morning all the way back to my teens, so I could spend days at a time in a useless red haze.

Now, though, my life is better in pretty much every way imaginable. And though it doesn't happen as often, I still sometimes get these woke-up-angry-for-no-reason-blues. I can therefore only conclude that my psyche has declared war on me. At least now I have a focus for my rage.

Copyright 2004 Rich Bowen

i love You.
um. . .

let's see, they recently (in the past two years) had the Presidents of the United States, They Might Be Giants, Echo and the Bunnymen, Patti Smith, Nada Surf, Interpol, Sufjan Stevens, and the Posies (and a LOOOOOONG list of other greats) AND you can go online and listen to all of the above in the streaming archives.

The Dj's choose the music AND take requests AND there are NOOOOO commercials.

It's a radio station here in Seattle that used to be on the UW campus.

It has my vote for 'the best radio station to wake up to no matter how long you've been asleep'.

That's right KEXP 90.3

and Shelly can tune into the same show up in Canada by clicking on the streaming audio and you can wake up and get dressed together apart again.
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